It’s 25 Days ’til Halloween! Get your Costume Handled.

Someone on Friday asked me if I was “doing” Halloween this year, and at first I was like, “How dare you ask about my religion? But also, I think we both know Halloween does me. And it brings me chocolate, like a gentleman.

More importantly, though, I realized I needed to make sure I don’t do what I do every Halloween: procrastinate.

We have 25 days until Halloween, people. Don’t do what we both know you’re going to do: wait ’til the last minute. You’re going to end up “going as yourself,” or rehashing last year’s costume. So here’s your Toastmaster’s “the end is nigh” card. No excuses. Get at it. It will be so worth it when you show up to the party and dazzle the whole sail barge in a kick-ass Jabba costume, tail swish on fleek.

Also, if you’re one of those people who thinks it’s stupid that adults dress up for Halloween: I already dress up in a costume five days a week for another grown-ass adult who says if I don’t then I can’t have any money. Dignity is a slippery fucking slope my friend.

Seriously, curmudgeonly one, let us have this one thing, please.

Costumes this year? I have a cloak, a white poofy shirt, brown trousers on their last legs, and a leaf of lorien pin. Sooooo I guess we know where this is heading

*Also that pants on their last legs pun was totally unintentional but totally staying.

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