The new Harvest Berry Pie Blizzard is here and all y’all who knew and didn’t tell me are forgotten.

If Dairy Queen’s new Harvest Berry Pie Blizzard were on RuPaul, it would be a fat drag queen from Atlanta who insists on booty shorts at all times.

I usually only open my inbox for my custom-curated porn subscription and today I was not disappointed.

Fuck pumpkin spice. There are many better contenders to be food mascot of Fall, and to prove it, here is the new Dairy Queen Harvest Berry Blizzard, which asks the only real question, “How dare you?”

It’s Hatch Season. Alert your Face Holes.

Image Source: Elise Bauer, Simply Recipes

Have a recipe for a chile relleno egg and cheese casserole, compadres.

Saturday. I was riding the bus near Colfax and Federal when I saw a bunch of people hanging out in a parking lot around a large metal cage rotating horizontally on a spigot. “Oh, my god,” I thought…

But before I could finish, a gentleman sitting behind me quite loudly, yelled, “Hatch chiles? Oh fuck yeah!” He pulled the cord, and skittered off the bus towards the promised land. Leaving me just nodding, smiling in understanding. That gentleman is a hero. He did what we all felt.

I made my own way to the chile party after getting my rental car. This was my moment to grab a bag delicious, roasted green New Mexico chiles, and more importantly, to smell them.

Look, you can roast chiles with a broiler and some tin foil in your oven, and charring hatch chiles gives off this indescribable buttery, umami smell that any home should experience, but standing in line with a Mexican Coke and bunch of other people in a parking lot paying cash only to a man under a pop up tent is part of the performative social culture of the region. Who can say no to authenticity? Plus, it reminds me of home- this is a Southwestern tradition, one that our sisters and brothers in the Hatch Valley blessedly make possible for us all.

And, now, dear readers, I share with you this recipe which is a very close approximation of one I’ve often used to make for weekend breakfasts, so it’s tested for sure. You can make this any time of year: Poblano and even Anaheim peppers work very well too. May your face enjoy it.

Chile Relleno Breakfast Casserole

Recipe adapted from John Lewis and Ray England, Juan Luis, Charleston, SC

Yield: 6 to 8 servings

Prep Time: 15 minutes, plus 30 minutes cooling time

Cook Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour, plus 30 minutes cooling time

Ingredients

1¾ pounds (12 medium) poblano chiles

1½ cups half-and-half

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon kosher salt

8 eggs

1 garlic clove

Nonstick cooking spray

2 cups grated Monterey Jack cheese

Boiling water, for baking

Directions

1. Preheat the broiler to high and line a sheet pan with foil. Line the chiles next to each other on the pan and broil, turning as needed, until the chiles are well charred, 4 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a heatproof bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let steam for 15 minutes, then peel and deseed the poblanos using the back of a knife.

2. Lower the oven temperature to 300°. In a blender, combine the half-and-half, flour, salt, eggs and garlic. Blend on medium until smooth.

3. Grease a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with cooking spray and line with a quarter of the roast poblanos, followed by a quarter of the grated cheese. Continue this layering process until all the chiles and cheese have been used. Pour the egg mixture in to cover the chiles and cheese.

4. Place the baking dish in a roasting pan and fill the roasting pan with enough boiling water to come up halfway along the sides of the baking dish. Bake until the eggs begin to set, 30 minutes, then raise the temperature to 400° and bake for another 10 to 15 minutes, until the eggs are fully cooked and the top is golden brown.

5. Let rest at room temperature for 15 minutes, then slice and serve.

Recipe courtesy of: https://www.tastingtable.com/cook/recipes/chile-relleno-casserole-recipe-eggs-cheese

White Chocolate Peanut M&M’s- Strange, but Hear Me Out

Of course I put them on a zafu first. They might as well get familiar with it since these are going straight to my ass.

Alright, so I’ve been on a hunt for something called Peanut Jalapeno M&Ms. The Mother Ship told me about them, and I’m going to hit those hard and recklessly, like a drunk New Zealand pigeon.

Yo, so my prowl was weak today, but then bam, Candy Jesus, was like, “Oh child, you close, but not close enough. Have this mana to tide you over on your quest” (He’s black). And then he gave me these white chocolate peanut M&Ms.

Alright, so look, there’s no way around this: white chocolate is basic bitch chocolate. In fact, it’s not even chocolate at all. These are white chocolate m&ms. Insert Law of Transitivity (up top debate team!). White Chocolate Peanut M&Ms are for basic fucking bitches. But you know what? The half-empty bag next to me tells me a lot about who I am right now. A basic fucking bitch. And I like it.

So the deal is this: I don’t know if I’d snack on these all day, but these would be soooooo good thrown in with some Moose Track ice cream. And yeah, I have a plan. And yeah, I’m going to carry it out. And yeah, there’s going to be a blog post about it.

What else do you think these nugs would sprinkle well on? Do please let us know in the comments, good sirs and madams.